She Poisoned; Then Cremated!

Despite never having had waffles before Summer 2006 I've always wanted a waffle maker. Enthralled by dreams of exotic sweet batter melting in the mouth, the idea has just always held a certain appeal for my taste buds.

Over the years I have religiously kept my eye open for one, but they have rarely come and I've never been able to justify the expense of one. Hints passed for Christmas, Birthday's and Mother's Day's have always fallen on deaf ears.

This year, the same thing happened and Christmas came and went minus the famed waffle maker, despite furious hinting on my behalf. A few weeks later another make of waffle iron came into the eponymous Lidl; again followed by downright demands for my Birthday present; after all, it is a matter of mere weeks away.

Finally, in desperation and also because BJK, my lovely Mom, wasn't feeling too hot on the day the blessed things came into stock, I took matters into my own hands. I threw all caution to the wind and handed over something like €14.99 for a Bifinet Waffle Maker and rushed home to play with my newly acquired booty.

Being a bit of a traditionalist I opted to follow a recipe from my treasured Reader's Digest Cookery Year, followed the instructions religiously and waited eagerly for the result. Suffice to say that it was infact a disaster; resulting in LB announcing that he would never, ever eat that s*** again and that I ought to take it back at once. All reason was lost on his irate little soul, explainations that it's not the machine's fault if the recipe wasn't very nice, etc fell soundly on closed ears...

Now to be fair, it might actually be my fault that things didn't turn out as anticipated. You see, the recipe called for a certain quantity of baking powder and being the frugal traditionalist that I am, this is one thing that I never buy. I prefer to combine the active ingredients of sodium bicarbonate and cream of tartar myself; immediately prior to use and I suppose it is possible that my hand slipped.

Another thing which might have contributed to the catastrophe was that the recently declared vegetarian in the house hold had lead his Mother to purchase large quantities of Soya Milk; which of course need to be used up. So, one substitution lead to another and the end result was far from pleasing...

LB isn't the best in the mornings; finding the various types of cereal on the market "boring", he will often opt for toast, which in itself isn't too bad, just a little "boring"! Oh yes, it's not necessarily the most nutritionally sound way to start the day either, especially for someone who prefers to ignore his packed lunch in favour of playing football in the school yard.

Undeterred by our initial experience I pulled out the Famous Waffle Maker a second time to try and introduce a little variety at breakfast time. This time I chucked a few ingredients together, with a pinch of soda bic & cream of tartar, beat them furiously for a few moments and waited with baited breath for the result.

Well, it went down a storm. My hastily prepared recipe; plucked from the air worked a treat and we witnessed the waffle maker lid rising higher and higher as we waited impatiently for them to cook. Bingo! I had actually got something right, for a change and served them with a generous helping of Bon Maman's Caramel preserve, which is tasty but slightly overpowering in the flavour department.

The second batch led to perfection itself. Served with the traditional sugar and lemon juice (organic of course) we hit the jackpot and perfection itself. LB of course was delighted and filled himself to the brim before announcing that he still prefers pancakes...

Waffles a la Polly

1 Cup Plain Flour
2 Med Free Range Eggs
1/2 pint Full Cream Milk
pinch baking powder

1. Mix the whole lot in a bowl.
2. Beat vigourously for a few moments; until air bubbles start to appear.
3. Pour one tablespoon of the batter into each section of the well buttered and preheated waffle maker.
4. Observe, lick your lips and become impatient for roughly three minutes.
5. Serve & devour with whichever toppings you prefer!

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As for the cremation, that is plainly another though related story. For the course of the last week I have been really unwell with The Common Cold, which has unfortunately led to one or two disasters in the kitchen, as well as the disgusting first batch of waffles.

The most scary of all though is how on Tuesday I managed to almost incinerate the lead to the deep fat fryer, which was plugged in at the time. Foolishly I had plugged it into the socket directly behind the cooker and the immense heat issuing from the pre-heating grill had worked its magic.

I went back to the kitchen after what seems like a matter of moments, to find black clouds billowing and soot falling from the sky. Whoops! I wouldn't recommend this particular recipe as it is one for disaster and really does highlight how easy it is to cause a house fire in next to no time.

The only saving grace is that I caught things in time to prevent any further damage from occuring, was able to finish making a basket of chips for each of the three sittings that night and I was going to replace the damned thing anyway; having previously dropped it onto the floor! Seeing as it is not an often used labour saving device, in my kitchen at least, it was the least of my priorities when I broke the open/close button. However, the latest injury was quite serious and things have had to be reviewed...